Giving Everything, Because it Takes Everything
The alarm rings and I barely stir. My muscles are sore, still tired and though the sun is starting to come out all I want to do is bury my head in the covers. I am instantly faced with a choice and this decision will determine the course of everything.
I have come to realize that choosing ‘comfort’ rarely leads to it, but only makes me more uncomfortable. As I unroll my mat I start to wonder what the next hour and ½ will bring. Will I be able to do it? Will they ask me to do something difficult, or worse yet something that I don’t want to do? And then I smile, knowing that choosing authentic development is a harsh mistress, indeed. The things I fear will always be hurled right in my path and I know the answer is ‘yes’ to all of the above. I will again be faced with a choice and this decision will determine the course of everything.
We have been in warrior II for at least a minute. My legs are starting to shake, I want to give up, and then he says ‘are you breathing?’….oh, right I forgot about that part. The minute I inhale that sweet dose of oxygen, I feel everything release and I move into a place of ease. He walks up behind me and puts his hands on my shoulders, moving them down a few inches. My neck and shoulder blades begin to release and I wonder how I didn’t even realize how hard they were working? Why is it that trying so hard is, well…so hard? It was only four years ago in this very class that I began to discover that resistance is so much more difficult than surrender. That trying to be perfect at every asana was so much more difficult than allowing myself to melt into it with ease. Many of us consistently move through our day with absolute confidence that we are actually in charge. We fool ourselves into thinking that we consciously know what ‘perfection’ is and that we can attain it whenever we want.
This practice is based on the premise of cultivating awareness of where we are in relation to time, space, and the continuum of development. I am always grateful to reach that perfect balance in class when I am pushed far enough to be uncomfortable, while simultaneously given enough time to be present inside of my head, alone with my thoughts even for just a few seconds. In the middle of this struggle I am challenged to be still in the face of the internal chaos. As I am confronted with the limits of my abilities, I am also given the opportunity to witness how interested I truly am in development. When I focus on where I am and where I want to be, I know I have to ‘mind the gap’ between what I know and how I am living. The practice isn’t over when I roll up my mat and walk out of the studio. It is only just beginning. I know that I will be given hundreds of opportunities to close the gap between what I know and how I am walking my talk, and the choice that I make in that moment will determine everything.
Amy Jo Gengler, LAc
Re-Soul Acupuncture & Chinese Herbal Medicine
843.566.2855
